Christianity - Faith in God, Jesus Christ. Editor's Note: This article features frank discussion of a sensitive theme that may not be appropriate for some younger readers. On the radio, popular songs declare the thrills of casual sex. SEX EDUCATION Abstinence (and sexism) only. In Alabama last week, a teenager girl named Alysha. The last image we have of Patrick Cagey is of his first moments as a free man. He has just walked out of a 30-day drug treatment center in Georgetown. On the Internet, pop- up windows beckon Web surfers to erotic destinations. The fashion world touts midriff- baring designs, while prime- time TV rolls out one sexual innuendo after another. Today's adolescents must navigate this cultural morass just at a time when hormonal surges and emerging feelings are making life confusing enough. But what happens when faith gets thrown into the mix? How does being a Christian affect a teenager's perceptions and responses in this sex- drenched society? Much has been written lately about abstinence education and how more teens are choosing not to have sex. Newsweek even touted . Indeed, programs like True Love Waits (an international campaign launched by the Southern Baptists in 1. And the Centers for Disease Control reports that the number of high school students who said they've had sex has dropped notably, from 5. Still, polls and studies only tell part of the story. Despite signs that things are improving, the reality of sexual temptation remains& mdash; and Christian young people are not inoculated against these pressures. Hearing their voices, in fact, suggests that their plight might be even more precarious than their non- Christian counterparts. But why can't you, if you're in love with the person? It doesn't feel wrong. But how do we keep this commitment? I never realized how powerful passion can be. I want to wait until marriage, but I worry about how this makes me look. I want to do what's right, but I can't seem to. Recently I had sex with a guy, thinking that it would bring us closer. I know now that was a mistake, and I feel totally ashamed. Meanwhile, those not having sex are thinking a lot about it, many of them wavering between fear and curiosity. Parents, youth pastors, and other concerned adults might hope that the influence of biblical principles on their young would help them withstand the onslaughts of peer pressure, physical longings, and conflicting signals from secular voices (. Popular for his athletic prowess, he had learned that such recognition brought with it certain expectations. And the girls& mdash; they really come after you. But the Bible is clear. No sex till marriage. You don't want to limit yourself. Having babies or getting AIDS is not on your route. If you're focused on your goals, peer pressure shouldn't faze you. They want to know what it feels like. I really don't want to wait. I hear they will have a lot of booze there. I think he has the hots for me! Does Gary Heavin, founder and CEO of the fitness chain Curves, support pro-life causes? Christian jobs and Christian employment website for Christian businesses to post Christian jobs and employment openings for free. Contact Information: Abstinence Education Program Health Promotion and Chronic Disease Prevention Section Texas Department of State Health Services. But I don't want to pay the costs of not waiting, either. They still go to church, but their spiritual lives become fake. When you are consistently doing wrong and know it, your spiritual life becomes empty and you get farther and farther from God. Unfortunately, anecdotal evidence often points in the other direction. In a recent article for Charles Colson's Break. Point magazine, author and Washington Times national editor Julia Duin tells of a time when she was lecturing a freshman class on sexuality issues at a Christian college and engaged the students in an eye- opening conversation about chastity. And virginity wasn't it. But what is the best way to do this? Between proponents of value- free sex education on the one hand and champions of state- sponsored abstinence- only programs on the other, there is a lot of middle ground and room for confusion. Scary stats. As a subset of America's youth, Christian teens are part of some alarming trends. According to the National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent Health, which measures the responses of nearly 2. And while a study by the Henry J. Kaiser Foundation notes a solid 2. STDS) among this age group indicates that teen sex is a problem that continues to vex society& mdash; and the church. A growing concern surrounds definitions of what actually constitutes . Often it's the girls who initiate it because they see it as a way to gain intimacy and connection with guys. Today, a variety of organizations produce abstinence-only-until-marriage curricula and materials as well as provide teacher trainings and speakers. More than half of the 50 United States require abstinence to be taught in sex education as the 'best' method of birth control. Christian singles and Christian dating advice with Biblical principles and guidance for women and men in relationships seeking help and tips from the Bible. This is not to say that faith does not factor significantly in teens' sexual decision- making. In fact, according to a 2. Kaiser Foundation and YM magazine, . Clearly, many Christian teenagers have enough spiritual maturity to learn, with the help of adults, not only how to say no to premarital sex and other risky behaviors but perhaps more importantly, why to say no.'I don't want to hurt God'Michelle, a quiet, attractive 1. God and her church, but finds her youth group a little dull. Asked whether the group talked much about sexual issues, she replies, . And I didn't really regret what I did until later, when I talked to my mom about it. But after we talked, I felt a lot closer to her. He said that he experiences the most pressure to have sex from members of the opposite sex. I felt bad later, when I thought about what the Bible said. I've prayed, but I still don't feel forgiven. But I don't know how to make that happen. But all I know is that what she did really damaged our family. And my parents are, like, watching me, all paranoid now. I don't want to hurt God or my parents the way my sister did, or even by having safe sex. Certainly adult Christians must communicate their standards, both by talking with teens and by setting a good example. But one of the most important things for adults to understand is that the objective is not to keep teens from having sex so much as it is to help teens choose abstinence for themselves, as a principle as well as a practice. For that to happen, say the experts, adults need to establish a rapport with teens by communicating availability, acceptance, and love while providing a safe environment for ongoing dialogue. Approaches that work. Kara Eckmann Powell, who coauthored the 2. What Almost Nobody Will Tell You About Sex, Student Journal (Zondervan), believes that one reason a lot of abstinence programs fail is because they have too narrow a focus, both in time and attention. She and her coauthor, Jim Hancock, emphasize a broader understanding of the goals of abstinence education. An ongoing commitment needs to be reinforced throughout the year, in large- and small- group settings. Dennis Talbert, student ministries pastor at Rosedale Park Baptist Church in Detroit, Michigan, agrees. There's no sisterhood or brotherhood that comes out of that to give the kids ongoing support. It means abstinence from drugs and other negative behaviors, and respect for yourself as well as the opposite gender. Since creating the program for its own youth, the church has been invited to run its clubs as after- school programs in two local public schools& mdash; no arguments about separation of church and state here. Books like Stephen Arterburn and Fred Stoeker's Every Young Man's Battle (Water. Brook), Kay Arthur's Sex According to God (Water. Brook), and Josh Harris's I Kissed Dating Goodbye (Multnomah) are not only snatched up rapidly from bookstore shelves but many are commonly quoted and referred to in Christian teen chat rooms and online discussion forums. That Harris would have a strong following among teens might surprise some, considering his unconventional stance against the concept of dating or any physical intimacy beyond handholding outside of marriage. But his higher call has struck a chord with a lot of young people who are desperately looking for direction. We must be captivated by the beauty and greater pleasure of God's way. They're hungry for truth. And as the Christian teens of this generation work out their sexual salvation in fear and trembling, it is up to Christian adults to come alongside them with encouragement rather than condemnation, honesty rather than hypocrisy, and biblical truth rather than awkward silence. It is time for Christian men and women to demonstrate in their own walk that sexual purity& mdash; in or out of marriage& mdash; is not a onetime vow but a daily re- commitment to seek God's grace for our failures, his power for our victories, and his best for our lives. A Christian Reader original article. Parker is a writer based in Jackson, Mississippi. Read All About It. A helpful list of books for parents, youth leaders, and others seeking biblical insight for talking to teens about sex, love, and purity. Why True Love Waits: The Definitive Book on How to Help Your Kids Resist Sexual Pressure & mdash; Josh Mc. Dowell (Tyndale, 2. Keeping Your Kids Sexually Pure: A How- to Guide for Parents, Pastors, Youth Workers, and Teachers & mdash; La Verne Tolbert (Zondervan, 2. A Safe Place: A Guide for Living Beyond Sexual Abuse& mdash; Hope and Healing for Teens & mdash; Jan Morrison (Shaw, 2. Real Teens: A Contemporary Snapshot of Youth Culture & mdash; George Barna (Regal, 2. Talking to Your Kids About Sex: How to Have a Lifetime of Age- Appropriate Conversations with Your Children About Healthy Sexuality & mdash; Mark Laaser, Ph. D. These unique Bible studies use articles from current issues of Christianity Today to prompt thought- provoking discussions in adult Sunday school classes or small groups.
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